March is coming to a close, and we’re almost at the quarter mark of 2018. I feel no pressure of the passing time, only of how I spend my time. Some days go slower than others, while other days whizz by. My travelling days are flighty –pun intended, and my days at home are intimate, precious and deeply cherished. I miss Mr. Grey when I’m gone, even though we speak continuously throughout the day in between flights, layovers and commutes.
I can’t help but think that this month last year, I still worked in Brussels, wondering if I’d be successful in transitioning back to the US to re-join the husband and son after a year abroad. Of course I got the job and I’ve now been back for a year, a rather whirlwind year at that, I might add. I’m only just beginning to wrap my head around being back, settling back into my life. Well, sort of. Working from the south in Texas while the husband and the son live up on the East Coast takes a bit of navigating to work around.
I’m home weekly and I often task myself with cooking and cleaning, stuff the husband doesn’t care whether it gets done or not as he is fiercely independent, but stuff that I feel I need to do if only to convince myself that I’m still needed. We seem to need that as women, to feel needed. My son is grown and gone, living on campus. And Mr. Grey seems to do just fine by his lonesome self. I nag him every now and then about letting me take care of him, but it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks –lol
I hope I stop commuting down to Texas at some point this year; I can change my base once I clock a year on the job. I’ve changed my selection from New York to Miami and back a couple of times already, who knows where our hearts will settle? We seem to have had enough of the cold weather and our hearts beckon us to the warm South. Yet we feel our work requires us to stay in the cold New England region. What should give; should work be tailored to life or vice versa? I Believe the latter, and so we’re working our way around getting to accomplish that. Shifting our operations to warmer climates might not be as daunting as it appears initially –as wise Mandela said, it always seems impossible until it’s done.
I’m moving a lot slower than I had anticipated. Every coming and going feels like re-starting from start as relates to building our dynasty. After beating myself up stupid for weeks, I’m finally learning to be gentle with myself. Self-care doesn’t come easy for me as I am my harshest inner critic. I’m lucky I have Mr. Grey who took over from where my dad left off in pointing out all the good I am accomplishing. I’m still learning to do that for myself, but for now I appreciate his positive input as it balances out my doom & gloom mood when I am disappointed in myself.
As both men point out, I can only do my best, though the definition of that ‘best’ might be what’s in dispute here. Oh well, on I trudge. Slower than I’d like, but hopefully, some forward motion, a push, a lift, a shove, a hoist, and so on and so forth. Let’s see what April brings.
Leave me a comment on how you deal with feeling stuck, won’t you? Cheers, Grey xoxo