Marriage requires that two separate entities become one; this is the very essence of the institution as ordained by God. By definition, marriage is when two people agree to forsake all other, become one flesh and pledge their lives to each other before God, vowing to do life together for better or for worse, for as long as they shall live.
This one-flesh theory means that two become one. Thus there cannot be a me-mode anymore, at least there shouldn’t be, and the two should now seek to operate on we-mode. Making the switch from ‘me’ to ‘we’ is simple, but it’s not easy, for as we all know, a simple switch is not necessarily an easy switch.
Back to basics: two becoming one should not be mistaken to mean two halves become whole, It’s actually two wholes becoming one. When we come into a union while still incomplete by ourselves, it compounds the equation of two becoming one, impeding an equal and healthy merger, sometimes even making it more of an acquisition than a merger. Two whole and complete individuals usually make the best becoming-one partners.
Tying the knot means we are in it together. Stepping into that realm of partnership means we must cross the threshold from ‘me’ to ‘we’. If we fail to make the transition from ‘me’ and ‘you’ to ‘we’, then ‘me’ and ‘you’ will soon become ‘me’ versus ‘you’. And ‘me’ and ‘you’ will always lead to power struggle. Unless ‘me’ becomes ‘we’, both partners will eventually approach the union with self-interest questions like ‘what’s in it for me? what do I get out of it? Etc.
This me-mindset will affect how money matters are handled, it will affect parenting decision-making and even sex. Instead of parenting together, it will become a me vs you parenting, thus doing a great disservice to the children. Decisions such as what place to move to or whether to buy a house will become harder than they ought to be.
Becoming ‘we’ is not so much what you do as much as how you think about what you’re doing. While we each instinctively look at what’s best for the individual, we cannot forget to look at what’s best for us as a third option in decision making. It will then serve us all well to go inwards and start questioning where we are playing ‘me’ and how we can get to ‘we’. The journey into becoming one can starts with one person stepping into ‘we’ by looking at their thought process and their decisions, etc.
When we find areas of improvement and we decide to change the dance, we must do so gradually. Instead of battling over who’s getting what and who’s not getting what, we should start proposing solutions from a ‘we’ point of view. This will dissolve the power struggle we often find ourselves involved in and replace that with a stronger connection as two truly become one. Cheers, Grey xoxo