I am not what you think I am. You are what you think I am ~ Buddha. This is what we do when we are incapable of self-analysis and introspection. We defend, we deflect, we project, we blame. Hi everyone! This post is building onto my previous one where I blogged about being accountable for our actions and taking responsibility for our part in a fallout. While it’s true we can have some singular internal conflicts, most conflict generally takes two or more parties.
There are three possible scenarios to each conflict resolution process: both accept responsibility for their roles in the fallout; neither accept any responsibility for their role and both claim innocence while blaming each other; or one party accepts the responsibility for their role in the fallout while the other party absconds taking any responsibility and instead blames the other party for everything.
In the first case, both parties are mature enough and able to take responsibility for the part they played in the conflict, which would result in personal growth on both sides as they move forward with a new perspective and fresh understanding that will inform their future choices for a more cordial co-existence. This is the utopian state we should all aspire to attain, yet that’s rarely ever the case. It takes a level of maturity and a silencing of the ego at a level that very few people have mastered.
A majority of times, neither party sees their contribution to the fallout and each one hold stubbornly to their righteous position that they were the wronged one. In such cases, very little, if anything, can be done to salvage the friendship or relationship. Unless and until one person comes to their senses, the bond is usually lost. And what a shame that this is how a majority of the world runs!
The last scenario where only one person is willing and able to take responsibility is usually the most frustrating one to find oneself in. It requires maturity and a level of self-control that would make angels weep. The ego is silenced and the heart quietened. Create in me a clean heart oh God, and a renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10.
You can never underestimate the importance of not falling into the blame-game if you find yourself caught up in this last scenario. Why you ask? Again back to this blogpost: you can never convince anyone that they are wrong or even that they have wronged you unless they choose to see it themselves. Any such attempt will lead to throwing insults and trading blame back and forth to no end. Remember the saying ‘don’t argue with a fool, people might not know the difference’? Right. Or that other George Bernard Shaw’s Quote, ‘I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.’ Ah yes, the stuff of myth…
Stay out of the pigsty if it’s the last thing you do. There’s nothing to be gained in there but dirt on your expensive shoes and mud on your pricey clothes. A pig is a pig is a pig, and you’ll never win wrestling with one, the slippery oinks. Instead, understand the kind of person you are dealing with then put all your effort in taking responsibility for your part and leaving it at that.
There’s nothing to be gained by pointing fingers and apportioning blame as people just shirk it off and think what they want to think anyway. Your efforts are better used elsewhere like focusing on your own self-improvement and stuff. See their loss of the growth opportunity as your gain for personal development and character shaping.
Take this as an opportunity for personal growth, might as well instead of walking away bitter and sour. Don’t get bitter, get better. You are in control of just you, no one else. You are responsible for only your growth, no one else’s really. See to it that you learn your lesson and skip on along happily to your next adventure. Leave the pig in the pigsty and be on your merry way. Do the work and run along, you’re always going to be fine taking the higher road. Cheers, Grey xoxo